written by Kayla Blau, MSW Intern at the Coalition Ending Gender-Based Violence
You might be asking yourself, “what is revenge writing, and what does it have to do with advocating for survivors of violence?” I had the opportunity to chat with DeAnn Alcantara-Thompson, our Transformative Justice & Prevention Coordinator, and the trainer for the upcoming Shop Talk Sydney Pk, The Sexual Assault Program Coordinator at the Northwest Network, about revenge writing and its role in advocacy.
What role does revenge writing have in the healing process of survivors?
Sydney: We’ll be discussing revenge fantasy at the shoptalk, and writing is one tool for survivors to explore their emotions attached to the abuse they experienced. In Judith Herman’s book “Trauma and Recovery,” she provides a psychoanalytic framework for understanding the revenge fantasies as a facet or symptom of trauma. She writes that revenge fantasies hold the same wordless quality as trauma memories themselves and that they are a necessary part of moving into and through grief. Survivors feel different ends of a spectrum; they may wish they had closure and wonder if their abusers still think about them, or they may have nightmares and/or intrusive thoughts about doing harm to their abusers. Those thoughts often have shame attached to them – “does it make me a bad person I’m thinking these things?” With trauma, survivors can feel overwhelmed with emotions like anger, sadness, and grief. It can be scary to face and may feel like they’ll never come back from those feelings if they face them. They may think, “if I let myself feel the full scope of my rage, I might hurt people.” Any creative self-expression can be powerful to safely move through feelings, and advocates can create contained spaces for survivors to do so.
Survivors of sexual violence are often disenfranchised grievers. We associate grief with the death of a loved one, and our society doesn’t legitimize the grief survivors of violence feel, especially if the relationship wasn’t seen as valid. Family and friends may not be as supportive or understanding of the grief survivors of violence feel. Revenge fantasy is a way to materialize some of those emotions and make them tangible.
DeAnn: Advocates hear revenge fantasies all the time but advocates have so much to juggle and its difficult to devote much time to them, this workshop will be an opportunity to see the power in making time for revenge fantasies. It’s so important for survivors to have space, room, and an audience to hear how the person that caused them harm would pay for it – not that they’d actually act on it – but imagining it is a big part of the healing process. Just the act of getting to imagine what that’d look like with people that are listening and care – we don’t have spaces like that now.
How can advocates incorporate revenge writing in their work with survivors?
DeAnn: Some advocates already do this so well. For example a survivor may want the person that assaulted them to lose their job. Advocates can make space for that, without jumping into problem-solving mode to make it happen. What if as advocates, we could listen and hold the tension? Some days a survivor may want revenge and other days they may miss the person that harmed them.
Sydney: Advocates can explore revenge fantasy by making space to talk about it in their everyday advocacy, and to get comfortable doing so. Our society has oversimplified notions of interpersonal violence, but we know survivors use violence in the course of surviving all the time. The way power is mapped out and the institutional and individual ways that people use coercive control are complicated. Advocates can hold that complexity through being comfortable discussing revenge fantasy. Writing exercises and activities can be offered to survivors to take home with them, or they can be used during support groups and creative arts events. It’s been really helpful in our program to use during support groups, because survivors are able to share back responses to one another and see themselves reflected in each other’s writings. They feel less alone and it normalizes how they relate to their pain.
What is the connection between revenge writing and transformative justice?
Sydney: Transformative justice is about how hungry communities are for responses to violence that lie outside of the criminal legal system. How do we move forward from violence? The criminal legal system is a society sanctioned and punishment-based institution. It is not oriented towards healing nor changing behaviors. Revenge fantasy lets us hold the full scope of how profound the impact of domestic violence and sexual assault are on survivors, and gives tangible meaning to the pain and impact. It helps support community-based solutions that are survivor-centered.
We hope you join us at the Writing Revenge Shoptalk on Monday, June 17, 9:00 am – 12:30 pm at 2100 24th Ave S, Seattle, WA 98144. You do not need to register–just show up!